Nabulahaw

Ayoko sanang makialam. Ngunit nabulahaw ako't nagisingan ng aking mauliningan ang pagtatalo sa labas ng aming tahanan.

Bulyaw, hiyaw, at tumataginting na mga mura. Paulit-ulit, masakit sa tainga. Buuuuug, tunog ng pintong isinalya ng isa sa kanila. Blaaaaaaag, tila may inihagis na kung ano mang babasaging bote o baso... di ko malaman.

Di ako pamilyar sa mga tinig ngunit batid kong mula sa kanilang malakas na sigawan ang pagtatalo ng isang pares ng batang mag-asawa tungkol sa di nila pagkakaunawaan. Bakas sa kani-kanilang mga sinasabi ang pagkamusmos at di pa hulmang kaisipan sa buhay na kanilang sinuong.

Sumbat, paninisi, pananakot, at panghihiya. Inilulugmok ang isa't isa sa pandinig ng mga kalapit bahay. Sigaw,  palahaw,  at nakapanginginig na mga salita mga mula sa matatalas nilang dila. Nakalulungkot lamang na nauulinigan ng kanilang supling na may isang taong gulang ang digmaang ito. Hindi mo masisisi ang mga piping saksi na naaawa at nabulabog ng di maubos-ubos na pagtatalo nila sa gitna ng tahimik na gabi. Kung susumahin sila ay nasa 20 taong gulang pababa (opo mga bata pang tiyak.)

Kung tutuusin, wala namang masama sa pag-aasawa ng bata pa maging handa ka lamang sa responsibilidad nitong kaakibat. Dahil hindi ito taguan na pagka ikaw ay nahuli ay susuko na lang o bahay-bahayan na pagka di mo na gusto ay ayawan na.

Noong ako ay paslit pa, ni minsan ay di ko naulinigan ang pagtatalo nina ama at ina. Tila sinisigurado nilang ang pagtatalo ay sa pagitan lamang nila. Hindi ko alam kung sadyang tahimik lang si ama o madiskarte't malihim lamang si ina. Nang nasa wasto na akong isip ay ipinababatid na rin naman nila ang di nila pagkakaintindihan ngunit di ko sila nakitaan ng dahas sa isa't isa kailan man. Alam kong di perpekto ang kanilang pagsasama ngunit sa kanilang pamamaraan namulat akong may paggalang sa sinumang nakakasama at makakasama sa buhay. Respeto ika nga. Ito ay udyok ng pag-ibig na kung saan magagawa mong idaan sa usapan nang maunawaan mo ang sigalot sa pagitan ninyong magkabiyak.

Nakalulungkot. Hindi ko makitaan ng ganitong pamamaraan ang iilang mga nagsasamang kabataan ngayon. Masakit isipin na hindi pa sila lubhang handa sa mga ganap at magaganap. Masasabi kong kasibulan pa lamang din nga kasi ng kanilang buhay ngunit ang masaklap may kalong ng sanggol. Mabuti nga ang ilan ay matapang itong iniluluwal at itinataguyod. Ngunit minsan ang mga musmos na ito pag tila di na kayang itaguyod ay siyang sumasalo ng ilang mga "frustrations" ng kani-kanilang magulang. Sana'y hindi mangyaring mabalingan ang mga bata at nawa at matutuhan nilang dahan-dahang yakapin ang buhay na kanilang pinasok.

Alam kong wala akong karapatang magpayo o magsalita ukol sa buhay may asawa dahil wala pa naman ako noon. Pero siguro naman may karapatan akong matulog nang maayos ng di iniisip yung kaawa-awang batang umiiyak at kung buhay pa kaya bukas yung nag-aaway. Pinilit kong lamukusin ang aking mukha. Magpabiling-baling ng higa. Nariyang ihambalang ang aking mga unan sa tainga at mukha na halos ibalot ko pa ng aking kumot para lamang makatulog dahil baka sa malamang ma-late na naman ako nito bukas.

Tag line

"Is your straight man gay enough to be a man?"

I smiled after skillfully reading this tag line written on the shirt of a young man with tattoos and a long hair holding his little daughter's hand and the suitcase on the other as they throd their way to school. I assume, the dad will accompany the little girl for schooling. It is evident that the dad and the daughter is used to this event. -a routine probably. They seems to be dearly talking to each other. I really find it cute.

Was that young dad made that personalised shirt for himself? Haha or a gift from the wife. Well, none of my business. It's beyond my power to jump off the ride I am in now and dare to get the answer from him. (Kaya minsan gusto kong maging mind-reader or an oracle maybe eh)

The thing I can deal on as an aftereffect is the thought of delving deeper onto the tag line.

When a he becomes a she for an outcome of a personal choice or a decision he has to take.

Let me go ahead and address the latter one on this pre-hand part, maiba lang lagi nalang kasi yung una yung idine-describe eh.

A result of a decision that one has to play. It would probably be for a househusband when a man has to take the duty to be the mum under whatever circumstance: a single dad, a husband with a working wife, or a man who has an ample time to do the duties of a mum...and so on. These guys would dare to beat the eggs & have it poached, fry hotdogs, toast a loaf, and brew a coffee on a chilly morning, would be sure of attending to the kids before heading to work, would endure to clean up the kitchen, tuck the bed, swept the floor, go to the market, do the laundry on a hot afternoon every weekends,  and would mind to cook for dinner, fix the table, and tag the lights off on a consoling night.

Aren't they like rare Pokémon to catch?
True, as it is not every day you'll see that kind of dads who will be standing side by side with his son or daughter giving a kid a break-a-leg kiss as a school program will start,  a dad waiting in line for an hour to fetch his child, and a dad delivering a 'baon' (Nakakamiss makakita ng ganito in a school premise) Salute to these guys!

Ini-huli ko talaga yung una kasi medyo sensitive. Cos I will be taking off the word 'straight' and this will leave you with: "Is your man gay enough to be a man?" (Sana di ako mabato ng kamatis)

From an article entitled "Ang Ipis na Feeling Butterfly" (folio, 2015) I read, the word gay colloquially coined as 'bakla' is referring to a person who is 'takot' or 'duwag'. But technically on my lit-understanding gay highly means happy. When a he became a she as per option of freeing oneself and embrace their happiness it is indeed being gay and being happy.

Gays can be equated to joy as well. They can make you laugh even they themselves aren't happy. They can care more than they care about themselves. And some times being abuse because they give more than what they have.

But unlike rare Pokémon, they are every where: TV shows, movies, commercials, fx, trains, mall, food chain, kahit anong propesyon, at minsan katabi mo (wag mo nang tingnan mahahalata tayo...mapaaway ka pa) They can make people smile and some times giggle (kung mala-Chris Evans and John Lloyd lang naman ano ka pa? Eh di nganga). They promote positive outlook towards life by unfettering oneself.

How did I say that gays became men they can ever be? There are some gays who chose to build a family with a woman and have their own kids, living to be who they are but aren't neglecting the duties to be dads. There are some gay couples who adopt children, functioning to be what they wanted and loved eventually sharing the love of being a whole family. And some gays, performing as the soul for their biological families. Pushing their best to be worth every single events that unfolds to serve as bread winners for their tatay, nanay, kapatid,  pamangkin, kapid-bahay, at even just a kakilala. These people wouldn't falter giving out themselves selflessly. So hayaan nalang natin ang pagsasaboy nila ng ganda sa sanlibutan, ang kumontra at dedma sa pansitan. True! --bawal and nega. Salute to these gays!

Boiling down to the specific, a man is man enough until they live gay enough to stand on things that they ought to without limiting what one can do. Live to be limitless. Live free.



Posted via Blogaway

Drafted Names

It took time for me to scribe these lovely names.--I hope they won't let me down.

A week before today I started to think and to scribe the names of a few people close to my heart for a dream I wish to fulfill few months from now.

The list is composed of ...
-A strong-determined lady from Bulacan
-A good pair of loving mother & child
-A work oriented SME and the Team Lead Boyfriend
-A love-birds from UK and WF
-A super-duper beautiful breadwinner sweetheart
-A kindhearted brilliant son (from my 2010-11 class)
-A good free spirited kick out lad (from my 2013-14 class)
-A literary sweetheart from good ol'days
-A Padre Pio devotee 'girl'friend
-A baby-for-keeps (from my 2010-11 class)
-A fit-spirit loving mom for her Heaven
-A sweet lovely daughter (from my 2010-11 class)
-A silent smart girl with dimples (from my 2010-11 class)
-A caring sweetie (from my 2013-14 class
-A guitar sweetie (from my 2013-14 class)
-A simple intelligent stude (from my 2011-12 class)
-A beautiful-gourgeous-pretty anak (from my 2011-12 class)
-A boyish family-support sweetie
-A super teacher mom of 3 lovely kiddos
-A sexylicous teacher mom of 2 princesses
-An Artistahin-by-name wanderer
-A duty bound super-teacher
-A faithful youngster-servant
-A loving mom of 2 from Cavite
-A great florist-dancer
-An out-going but detailed man from Ilocos
-An enthusiastic frater
-A priest-to-be

I have chosen them because I know they love me (assumera ako) and they won't think twice in saying YES to me. But of course, I shouldn't feel bad if one of them would decline or ignore my 'request'. It isn't their obligation anyway.

It isn't bad to dream of a dream and make it real. I know how blessed I am with people who are blessed as I am. I know how to be cherished and to be totally loved...this time, I wish to share it by words and by action.

If in case, these people wouldn't respond I promise to still fulfill my promise (to myself) to share my blessings to the community I will be visiting on December.

Posted via Blogaway

RERUN

I saw them...they reminded me of you. I have to turn my head down. I can't help but smile with a pinch of pain from within. It was the way we were, the way we've been.

Now, we are but strangers.

Before...
We are enveloped with unexplainable happiness when we are together but it has to end. As it must. Indeed.

Because...

We are alike but different. We are perfect together but we are not meant for each other.

You know better of me... of 'us' and we know far more than the latent you are better off me...off 'us'.

It's sad, as you are the sweetest sin I could ever win but has to forsake.

I know it isn't known to you...
At times, I long for you... your company as it completes me.

Though it's over,  I can't help but to tickle the memories. You are one fine me.

I am afraid that one fine day we'll meet. A touch to those pinky and your good hair smell. Your hugs and kisses. A taste of relief, and a taste of passion,  will remind me of the sense of belongingness. K.

Posted via Blogaway

Denoted

If you feel uninspired... Let me tell you..."You are lovely!" You are wonderful as you are made in the likeness of the Lord. That's who you are and who I am. You are loved by the one above, as He offered His life to save you. He came in to the world as flesh to endure things you experience as human as he become one like you... he even promised to be a friend whom you can talk to anytime, anywhere. You are blessed, we are blessed.

If you feel exhausted...think about the next lines. Remember, you were called to live a holy life but you always turn your back. Did He take away the sun that shines for you during the day? You are tired of doing things rightfully cos you can't see your rewards instantly, have you tried counting your everyday blessings?  You don't wanna listen and abide to things as you perceive it routinary/monotonous because everything is so laborious. But when you called in His name did He ever despise you?
Are you guilty of what you have done? Being lazy,  bored, and tired. Break those chains to free yourself from being a prisoner of your selfish hiding. We can be ashamed of the action but remember in His eyes the Lord take us for whoever we are and console our being to bring back the whole.

At the end of the day, you feel like there is nothing you accomplished. Mull over it after a month when you are almost done with the thing you are doing. Try to see that for the time you spent every single day...you gained a lot of values. You achieved and completed your goals.

If you feel like giving-up, because you seem to see no clear path and you have a broken heart. Think twice, you are still alive even though a part of you has died the One above can breathe in to that heart and you'll be healed. Take away your fears and wake your heart to wipe away your tears.

If you feel like you're inadequate...
Believe that you are more than enough to make a room happy. Smile and start a conversation.
Let your soul shine cos it is better than sunshine.

You are more than just flesh and bones, you are indeed beautiful. You can be someone that lights up another shaded soul by inspiring them to keep going.

Pray. Lord, here I am I am giving you all my pieces and ugliness in me...I am broken. Bit by bit I am putting myself into order through you as you heal me and make me whole...so that my life will be a deserving offer to You.

At times I sought after solitude and sidestepped into solitary scene. But in most of those times, I must say, I never let the pain of being alone or the frustration of a failed word/unfulfilled promise crack me in as I can be the type of person who doesn't find it painful to be stand firm and believe once again. I can find a way to make my day be enjoyed and have the most out of it.

#ANNEotherThinkTank
#goodmorningthoughtsfromAnne
#SavedFM

Posted via Blogaway

EMPTY

I am amidst of listening to this all-soul-emotion-melting song "EMPTY" when I got the chance to stare at this painting set as an embedded art on one of my playlist.

Hirap talaga ng matagal ang upo sa pagbibiyahe, daming nasasabi. Heto na tuloy ko na ha. Ingay din kasi ni Daniel Padilla on the background apart from my earphone music. KathNiel fan ata si Manong. Nyways'...

I'd be dealing with just the painting and the song title this time.-not with its lyrics

Most of the time we feel "empty" when people would talk behind our backs, when we feel left out or being side-lined, when everything planned collapsed, when we were promised with things and stuffs but promises will be broken as they can be or when people turn their backs on us.

Being mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood by other people who doesn't really know you is really hurtful.--[thank you,Pink!] Honestly, we would feel real bad when people talk behind our backs and judge us for not who we really are, what we can do and how we're ought to be. As your character will be assasinated even without any ways of probing and taking a bit step to know you. Above all these still respect begets respect. We ought to value and show people the equal thing positively. It'll be better when you see that you can't beat evil as becoming more evil. You have to revert things. Don't talk too much about a person when you are out of words to say about them cos you can be wrong. As for the person who'll be in that situation, just gather your thoughts. Be composed about yourself and wade yourself out of the negativity.

When you get into a crowd who's minds get stocked into being insensitive and unmindful of others.--parang pareho lang meaning pero basta magkaiba yan. People being eaten by their power and position tend to become insensitive or more of becoming compassion less to the things they do, say, and see. Becoming unmindful of others because they were only thinking about themselves as the best. We tend to be left out and being side-lined. You won't receive any compliments and recognitions from this type as they don't mind people who help them carry out a task. Atop off all these, one must remain understanding and compassionate. Making another insensitive and unmindful person within you wouldn't resolve the issue. Care about them, kill them with kindness. Hahaha. And remember when a balloon overflows with nitrogen it explodes, right?! Let the air on their heads pop naturally out of their system. Or if they get too much, never be afraid to call for a good talk.

When you lined up things to push through something but it ends up crushing. That feeling when you stack bricks with just the final tile but it suddenly collapse. Whew! Heartbreak!!! There would really come a time that things would never go your way or how you planned it to be. The big Q now would be "What will you do?--Are you going to proceed? Or just settle on being stagnant?" On this situation,  it'll be best to take a breath and never lose faith on starting over again to make it right and if the option to proceed is available and it's for better then grab the chance. I remember talking to someone on the phone as he said:" Probably there would be a better post meant for you." Remember, everything in its time and His time.

Left hanging, unreciprocated, and/or torn apart these/this are/is what we feel when promises are broken.(--aaaay, kaylalim!) Those times when we were given a word or being promised with things and stuffs but people who uttered it didn't pay honour to their words. #Hugotlines would coin them as #paasa. People do not realise that simple things like these would make an impact to the person as they would pour out their efforts, time, and finances as they prepare for the waiting. You cannot leave out the fact that people would expect or wait (aasa) because they trust the one who throw the words. But some people won't mind of keeping promises. So here is the drill for this situation, if you promised a thing you have to find a way to serve to it and keep it. But if you will fail to fulfill a promise talk to the person ASAP explain it very well or honestly say you can't fulfill it. Yes it would hurt but guess what... you didn't prolong their agony. ;-)

Soledad really kills tormentingly. Being alone when you were experiencing a departure of sanity from your being is really something serious. Then people would turn their backs on us and we seem to have no one by our side. Well,  haven't been in the situation,  I hope never ever. When you can't find  someone to share your thoughts with, when the road seems to be a zero visibility ahead, or when you know nothing to do about getting lost into the situation you are in. Preferably, consult your family, friends, a priest,  a doctor,  a psychologist, grab a seat on a public place take time to think, find a sports that would fit you, get a ticket go to a place you've never been, have a close encounter to the nature... well, these were pretty much the things you need.

These enumerated and defined situations would always be part of everyone's life...(maliban nalang kung bato ka.)
Well, it'll all be part of our lives once in a while but epic thing would be when everything unfolds all at the same time.--but that could possibly happen.

Just be positive...

There would be a he or she that you can hang on and chill with... somehow,  felt the same way and can understand you better. They would be willing to shade and share with you their umbrella to defend you over talks of the mouth or non-sensible things that you ought not to mind at all.

BUT atop of this!

It would always take a courageous YOU to overcome all these and there will always be the ONE ABOVE that you can always count on.



Posted via Blogaway

When a "Yes" Means a YES!

Loitering around the metro I heard this...

"I take one step away...but I find myself coming back to you...my one and only one and only you."

It was the song playing when I came in...

of course...during the recessional of the wedding I just chanced upon. Probably, the song is a pick of the couple.

Definitely one of my favourites as well. Thanks to my highschool classmate who introduced me to the song by playing along with a guitar.

I sat on the seat near the entrance to feel the ambience--for a while and to watch these busy people: enjoying, smiling, and posing. Wearing my natural keenness I heard a comment of people chatting around. "They really deserve each other." Which made me mull over this kind of celebration and I guess far beyond.

Walking down the isle. Settling. What view does people have about it and I for an instance. "Do you deserve each other?", well and good as a question. But let me start by asking 'Are you ready enough to take a new phase?'

People would say no one is ready enough no matter how much you prepare. Well, I do not bow to such thinking. It would always take a "ready" person to take a challenge. You couldn't get a good fight if you won't be handling a weapon in a battlefield or a gloves on in a ring fight. Preps matter a lot...it is more of knowing what you can do and keep you going in a long run. So that you won't just say, "I give up" instead, you'd utter "Let's keep it up."

We usually hear people say that "Hindi yan kanin na pagsinubo mo at napaso ka ay iluluwa mo" (bahala kayong magtranslate!--ako pa ba?) So true! It won't stop on the day of the wedding. When saying a "yes" it must really mean YES. Opening a wider door for acceptance, adaptation, reconciliation, and commitment.--which can all be strengthen by communication.

Wedding takes a lot of preparation amounting to time, effort, and finances. But there's far more than that...

Pre-tense. (Coining a term here) It must not be just a Romeo and Juliet love story but your own.
How you started builds the foundation of what you can have as one for the future. Some had it via long term engagement while others have it in a shorter span. Well it works differently to each and every couple but remember it has to be firmly plotted in a God-centered way.

As per the time you were boyfriend & girlfriend, honestly you cannot completely reveal who you really are as skin-and-bones nonetheless by the time you are already living in one roof. But this shouldn't hinder you from taking the baby-steps to learn about you and your betterhalf. It can either be learning by doing things with them, by acquiring what they value, or simply by knowing them little by little on your own way.

Try to get to know each other better. Start being a good friend to each other, care more and communicate always.

Time is a vital part of it. If you won't devout time you cannot communicate and share details of you with each other. Some people won't be buying you with their time. If they have ample time they would give it to you as long as you need it but they won't insist. At a certain point, person can always determine if the person loves them by how much time they are willing to invest for one another.

Also, you have to be stable so you won't stumble; hold your horse if not. Stable that whenever you stumble you would always find a way to bounce back to gain the equilibrium. Know that you have to be emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially equipped. Let's all be practical. Don't be a burden to your biological family and to the family you are about to build. Above all, to the society you are in. Magastos magpakasal, manganak, at magpamilya but everything will be worth it.

Giving it a time would let you know a person better. By the use of "time" you can be "ready" on taking the next level.

So lady, you can pick up that white dress then, gentleman you may do the honour to put that wedding ring on...

In-tense. I wanna smash out the fantasy castle built atop of a mountain or nearby seashore.
Let's live in reality. Nothing is made perfect in this world as we are living in an alluring world.

Accept the fact that one can be busy at things or by work engagements. Keep in mind that you have loved the person as a whole and not just by part. If they tend to be busy-as-a-bee just let them feel you can always be their oasis of life. Never demand a thing they can't give at the moment because wanting more can lead to exhaustion on both ends.-the provider and the receiver. Have a good timing. Prioritise talks and not fights. Remember that the person is worthy of a warm embrace or a sweet kiss than a cold hit or a sharp word.

Accept the challenge, keep your defenses, and maintain the balance for your goal. Have a small goal each day don't create a list of enormous expectations.

Be the one...who pays attention to details in a positive way. Find time see what is not there and fill it with love. Never let the two of you feel abandoned. As you are there for each other to build and not to obliterate. At times you have to bend but do not break cos that's too different things. Bend to endure the test of time and go beyond your limit and gain new learning about how you can win the challenges together. You are not meant to break and injure the one you promised to love.

Post-tense. Set a "Forever" of yours. Look for a happiness which can make your better half wear a wide smile on their face and carry it by heart.
Give some unexpected gifts, nice surprises, and little compliments.
-A kiss of good morning and a good night
-A compliment for a new hair do
-A good hug and rub on the back after a tiring day
-A whisper of thank you, I love you, take care, God bless.

Simple gestures of tender love and care:
-A simple message or text of sweet nothings like the old days.
-A run or walk at the park for just an hour.
-A play of dual sports of your choice
-A shared reading of a news journal or a book
-A drive somewhere away from the usual
-A morning toast and a share of political and life views
-A joke to make them smile. (Any knock,knock or banat)--you possibly can't be that old not to know this
Well, these were just suggestions. You can surely think of something better.

There you are thinking that you had everything, then figured out there goes much to give. Remember to take one step away but two steps closer to your one and only. Nothing should stop loving and commitment it must go on and on and on.



Posted via Blogaway