Di maipabatid (Unspoken Poetry)

Paulit ulit ulit ulit kong naririnig
Mga kwento mong kaypait
Nilimot na niya ngunit sa buhangin patuloy mong iginuguhit
Masakit, oo,  sobrang sakit ramdam ko ang hapdi sa bawat bagsak ng iyong tinig, aking nahihimig.
Oo, giliw masakit... alam na alam kong sobrang sakit dama ko sa bawat pagkuyom ng iyong mga kamay.
Oo ramdam,  ramdam na ramdam ko ang hirap na iyong pinapasan.
Ngunit alam mo din ba na sa lahat ng iyon
Sa bawat pagkakataong aking nadirinig ang iyong mga hinaing
Kumakaway, tunay kumakaway ang puso kong nag nanais na minsan kahit minsan ako nalang sana ang balingan ng puso mong bugbog na, suko na ngunit sadyang lumalaban pa.
Sa bawat "okay lang yan!" Sarili ko'y sinusuri ko rin kung "Eh, ako okay lang ba?"
Sa bawat "kaya mo yan! " Sa akin nama'y "kaya ko pa kaya?"
Yung kwento mo sa totoo lang eh kwento ko din yan ang kaibahan lang mahal ikaw may ako pero ako walang ikaw.

Larawan ng Aking Lipunan (Pag-igkas sa bisa ng panitikan)

Usisera, sige tawagin na ako sa gayong taguri. Sadyang nakapagpapabagabag nga lamang na tunay nang sa araw-araw ay iyong madinig ang samu't saring ulat ng mga pagpaslang sa mga di umano'y tulak o kaya'y lulong sa ipinagbabawal na gamot. Ngunit mas nakababahalang iyong masaksihan ang isang katatapos lang na operasyon sa iyong daraanan habang pinagkukumpulan ng di mabilang na mukha ang labi ng isang lalaking nakahandusay habang duguan at wala nang malay. (Di na siguro nararapat pang retratuhan)

Bagamat di maikaiilang sadyang nakaririmarim na malaman ang ilang krimen na bunga ng kawalan ng huwisyo dahil sa droga di rin natin maiwawaglit na maaaring ilan sa mga kinikitlan ng hininga ay pawang walang sala, napagkalaman,  o dili naman kaya'y isa na sa mga nagpipilit na magbagong buhay sa pag nanais na sumunod sa patakarang pangkasalukyan.

Di iilang libo lamang ang nagsisuplong na ng kanilang mga sari-sarili halos buong pamilya sa iilan at kung susumahin ay buong barangay na ngang yata. Ngunit araw-araw din mababalita ang sunud-sunod na pagpaslang sa mga diumano'y sangkot sa droga. Ang ilan napababalitang nababaril sa mga operasyon o raid. Kapag nakakausap na ang mga saksi: mga kamag-anakan o kapitbahay, daglian ang pagsasabi nilang sumuko naman na ang biktimang suspek (tila kakaiba, ano po?),  di naman sila nanlaban, nagmakaawang wag paslangin, natutulog lang, itinuring na mga hayop, at samut-saring bagay na minsan mapag-iisip kang tama pa ba ang mga kaganapan?

Sa iba kapag nagsalita ka ng ganito mapaghahalintulad ka sa walang alam o di kaya'y laban ka sa pamahalaan. Pero imulat natin ang ating isipan ... may pitumpu't pitong libong pamaraang maiisip ang matatalino nating taumbayan, --mas makapangkayarihan kaninuman.

Anong ipinag-iba ng katarungang isinisigaw kung pati na ang pamamaraan ay kawangis lamang din naman ng nilalabanan? Hustisya ang hinihingi habang hustisya ay pinapatay. Anong kabuluhan? Maraming paraan... tatandaan kung disiplina ang nais mong ibigay sa iyong sumail na anak... sikapin mong paglaanan sya ng disiplinang may kalakip na pagmamahal nang tumimo sa isip nya ang kabuhulan ng ginagawa mo ay para din sa kanyang ikabubuti. Di nga ba, Inang bayan?

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Nabulahaw

Ayoko sanang makialam. Ngunit nabulahaw ako't nagisingan ng aking mauliningan ang pagtatalo sa labas ng aming tahanan.

Bulyaw, hiyaw, at tumataginting na mga mura. Paulit-ulit, masakit sa tainga. Buuuuug, tunog ng pintong isinalya ng isa sa kanila. Blaaaaaaag, tila may inihagis na kung ano mang babasaging bote o baso... di ko malaman.

Di ako pamilyar sa mga tinig ngunit batid kong mula sa kanilang malakas na sigawan ang pagtatalo ng isang pares ng batang mag-asawa tungkol sa di nila pagkakaunawaan. Bakas sa kani-kanilang mga sinasabi ang pagkamusmos at di pa hulmang kaisipan sa buhay na kanilang sinuong.

Sumbat, paninisi, pananakot, at panghihiya. Inilulugmok ang isa't isa sa pandinig ng mga kalapit bahay. Sigaw,  palahaw,  at nakapanginginig na mga salita mga mula sa matatalas nilang dila. Nakalulungkot lamang na nauulinigan ng kanilang supling na may isang taong gulang ang digmaang ito. Hindi mo masisisi ang mga piping saksi na naaawa at nabulabog ng di maubos-ubos na pagtatalo nila sa gitna ng tahimik na gabi. Kung susumahin sila ay nasa 20 taong gulang pababa (opo mga bata pang tiyak.)

Kung tutuusin, wala namang masama sa pag-aasawa ng bata pa maging handa ka lamang sa responsibilidad nitong kaakibat. Dahil hindi ito taguan na pagka ikaw ay nahuli ay susuko na lang o bahay-bahayan na pagka di mo na gusto ay ayawan na.

Noong ako ay paslit pa, ni minsan ay di ko naulinigan ang pagtatalo nina ama at ina. Tila sinisigurado nilang ang pagtatalo ay sa pagitan lamang nila. Hindi ko alam kung sadyang tahimik lang si ama o madiskarte't malihim lamang si ina. Nang nasa wasto na akong isip ay ipinababatid na rin naman nila ang di nila pagkakaintindihan ngunit di ko sila nakitaan ng dahas sa isa't isa kailan man. Alam kong di perpekto ang kanilang pagsasama ngunit sa kanilang pamamaraan namulat akong may paggalang sa sinumang nakakasama at makakasama sa buhay. Respeto ika nga. Ito ay udyok ng pag-ibig na kung saan magagawa mong idaan sa usapan nang maunawaan mo ang sigalot sa pagitan ninyong magkabiyak.

Nakalulungkot. Hindi ko makitaan ng ganitong pamamaraan ang iilang mga nagsasamang kabataan ngayon. Masakit isipin na hindi pa sila lubhang handa sa mga ganap at magaganap. Masasabi kong kasibulan pa lamang din nga kasi ng kanilang buhay ngunit ang masaklap may kalong ng sanggol. Mabuti nga ang ilan ay matapang itong iniluluwal at itinataguyod. Ngunit minsan ang mga musmos na ito pag tila di na kayang itaguyod ay siyang sumasalo ng ilang mga "frustrations" ng kani-kanilang magulang. Sana'y hindi mangyaring mabalingan ang mga bata at nawa at matutuhan nilang dahan-dahang yakapin ang buhay na kanilang pinasok.

Alam kong wala akong karapatang magpayo o magsalita ukol sa buhay may asawa dahil wala pa naman ako noon. Pero siguro naman may karapatan akong matulog nang maayos ng di iniisip yung kaawa-awang batang umiiyak at kung buhay pa kaya bukas yung nag-aaway. Pinilit kong lamukusin ang aking mukha. Magpabiling-baling ng higa. Nariyang ihambalang ang aking mga unan sa tainga at mukha na halos ibalot ko pa ng aking kumot para lamang makatulog dahil baka sa malamang ma-late na naman ako nito bukas.

Tag line

"Is your straight man gay enough to be a man?"

I smiled after skillfully reading this tag line written on the shirt of a young man with tattoos and a long hair holding his little daughter's hand and the suitcase on the other as they throd their way to school. I assume, the dad will accompany the little girl for schooling. It is evident that the dad and the daughter is used to this event. -a routine probably. They seems to be dearly talking to each other. I really find it cute.

Was that young dad made that personalised shirt for himself? Haha or a gift from the wife. Well, none of my business. It's beyond my power to jump off the ride I am in now and dare to get the answer from him. (Kaya minsan gusto kong maging mind-reader or an oracle maybe eh)

The thing I can deal on as an aftereffect is the thought of delving deeper onto the tag line.

When a he becomes a she for an outcome of a personal choice or a decision he has to take.

Let me go ahead and address the latter one on this pre-hand part, maiba lang lagi nalang kasi yung una yung idine-describe eh.

A result of a decision that one has to play. It would probably be for a househusband when a man has to take the duty to be the mum under whatever circumstance: a single dad, a husband with a working wife, or a man who has an ample time to do the duties of a mum...and so on. These guys would dare to beat the eggs & have it poached, fry hotdogs, toast a loaf, and brew a coffee on a chilly morning, would be sure of attending to the kids before heading to work, would endure to clean up the kitchen, tuck the bed, swept the floor, go to the market, do the laundry on a hot afternoon every weekends,  and would mind to cook for dinner, fix the table, and tag the lights off on a consoling night.

Aren't they like rare Pokémon to catch?
True, as it is not every day you'll see that kind of dads who will be standing side by side with his son or daughter giving a kid a break-a-leg kiss as a school program will start,  a dad waiting in line for an hour to fetch his child, and a dad delivering a 'baon' (Nakakamiss makakita ng ganito in a school premise) Salute to these guys!

Ini-huli ko talaga yung una kasi medyo sensitive. Cos I will be taking off the word 'straight' and this will leave you with: "Is your man gay enough to be a man?" (Sana di ako mabato ng kamatis)

From an article entitled "Ang Ipis na Feeling Butterfly" (folio, 2015) I read, the word gay colloquially coined as 'bakla' is referring to a person who is 'takot' or 'duwag'. But technically on my lit-understanding gay highly means happy. When a he became a she as per option of freeing oneself and embrace their happiness it is indeed being gay and being happy.

Gays can be equated to joy as well. They can make you laugh even they themselves aren't happy. They can care more than they care about themselves. And some times being abuse because they give more than what they have.

But unlike rare Pokémon, they are every where: TV shows, movies, commercials, fx, trains, mall, food chain, kahit anong propesyon, at minsan katabi mo (wag mo nang tingnan mahahalata tayo...mapaaway ka pa) They can make people smile and some times giggle (kung mala-Chris Evans and John Lloyd lang naman ano ka pa? Eh di nganga). They promote positive outlook towards life by unfettering oneself.

How did I say that gays became men they can ever be? There are some gays who chose to build a family with a woman and have their own kids, living to be who they are but aren't neglecting the duties to be dads. There are some gay couples who adopt children, functioning to be what they wanted and loved eventually sharing the love of being a whole family. And some gays, performing as the soul for their biological families. Pushing their best to be worth every single events that unfolds to serve as bread winners for their tatay, nanay, kapatid,  pamangkin, kapid-bahay, at even just a kakilala. These people wouldn't falter giving out themselves selflessly. So hayaan nalang natin ang pagsasaboy nila ng ganda sa sanlibutan, ang kumontra at dedma sa pansitan. True! --bawal and nega. Salute to these gays!

Boiling down to the specific, a man is man enough until they live gay enough to stand on things that they ought to without limiting what one can do. Live to be limitless. Live free.



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Drafted Names

It took time for me to scribe these lovely names.--I hope they won't let me down.

A week before today I started to think and to scribe the names of a few people close to my heart for a dream I wish to fulfill few months from now.

The list is composed of ...
-A strong-determined lady from Bulacan
-A good pair of loving mother & child
-A work oriented SME and the Team Lead Boyfriend
-A love-birds from UK and WF
-A super-duper beautiful breadwinner sweetheart
-A kindhearted brilliant son (from my 2010-11 class)
-A good free spirited kick out lad (from my 2013-14 class)
-A literary sweetheart from good ol'days
-A Padre Pio devotee 'girl'friend
-A baby-for-keeps (from my 2010-11 class)
-A fit-spirit loving mom for her Heaven
-A sweet lovely daughter (from my 2010-11 class)
-A silent smart girl with dimples (from my 2010-11 class)
-A caring sweetie (from my 2013-14 class
-A guitar sweetie (from my 2013-14 class)
-A simple intelligent stude (from my 2011-12 class)
-A beautiful-gourgeous-pretty anak (from my 2011-12 class)
-A boyish family-support sweetie
-A super teacher mom of 3 lovely kiddos
-A sexylicous teacher mom of 2 princesses
-An Artistahin-by-name wanderer
-A duty bound super-teacher
-A faithful youngster-servant
-A loving mom of 2 from Cavite
-A great florist-dancer
-An out-going but detailed man from Ilocos
-An enthusiastic frater
-A priest-to-be

I have chosen them because I know they love me (assumera ako) and they won't think twice in saying YES to me. But of course, I shouldn't feel bad if one of them would decline or ignore my 'request'. It isn't their obligation anyway.

It isn't bad to dream of a dream and make it real. I know how blessed I am with people who are blessed as I am. I know how to be cherished and to be totally loved...this time, I wish to share it by words and by action.

If in case, these people wouldn't respond I promise to still fulfill my promise (to myself) to share my blessings to the community I will be visiting on December.

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RERUN

I saw them...they reminded me of you. I have to turn my head down. I can't help but smile with a pinch of pain from within. It was the way we were, the way we've been.

Now, we are but strangers.

Before...
We are enveloped with unexplainable happiness when we are together but it has to end. As it must. Indeed.

Because...

We are alike but different. We are perfect together but we are not meant for each other.

You know better of me... of 'us' and we know far more than the latent you are better off me...off 'us'.

It's sad, as you are the sweetest sin I could ever win but has to forsake.

I know it isn't known to you...
At times, I long for you... your company as it completes me.

Though it's over,  I can't help but to tickle the memories. You are one fine me.

I am afraid that one fine day we'll meet. A touch to those pinky and your good hair smell. Your hugs and kisses. A taste of relief, and a taste of passion,  will remind me of the sense of belongingness. K.

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Denoted

If you feel uninspired... Let me tell you..."You are lovely!" You are wonderful as you are made in the likeness of the Lord. That's who you are and who I am. You are loved by the one above, as He offered His life to save you. He came in to the world as flesh to endure things you experience as human as he become one like you... he even promised to be a friend whom you can talk to anytime, anywhere. You are blessed, we are blessed.

If you feel exhausted...think about the next lines. Remember, you were called to live a holy life but you always turn your back. Did He take away the sun that shines for you during the day? You are tired of doing things rightfully cos you can't see your rewards instantly, have you tried counting your everyday blessings?  You don't wanna listen and abide to things as you perceive it routinary/monotonous because everything is so laborious. But when you called in His name did He ever despise you?
Are you guilty of what you have done? Being lazy,  bored, and tired. Break those chains to free yourself from being a prisoner of your selfish hiding. We can be ashamed of the action but remember in His eyes the Lord take us for whoever we are and console our being to bring back the whole.

At the end of the day, you feel like there is nothing you accomplished. Mull over it after a month when you are almost done with the thing you are doing. Try to see that for the time you spent every single day...you gained a lot of values. You achieved and completed your goals.

If you feel like giving-up, because you seem to see no clear path and you have a broken heart. Think twice, you are still alive even though a part of you has died the One above can breathe in to that heart and you'll be healed. Take away your fears and wake your heart to wipe away your tears.

If you feel like you're inadequate...
Believe that you are more than enough to make a room happy. Smile and start a conversation.
Let your soul shine cos it is better than sunshine.

You are more than just flesh and bones, you are indeed beautiful. You can be someone that lights up another shaded soul by inspiring them to keep going.

Pray. Lord, here I am I am giving you all my pieces and ugliness in me...I am broken. Bit by bit I am putting myself into order through you as you heal me and make me whole...so that my life will be a deserving offer to You.

At times I sought after solitude and sidestepped into solitary scene. But in most of those times, I must say, I never let the pain of being alone or the frustration of a failed word/unfulfilled promise crack me in as I can be the type of person who doesn't find it painful to be stand firm and believe once again. I can find a way to make my day be enjoyed and have the most out of it.

#ANNEotherThinkTank
#goodmorningthoughtsfromAnne
#SavedFM

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